According to the psychiatrist, Amy Morin success has a path with only 13 steps.
Intellectual power, powerful elements of our character, our mental strength often are reflected in what we do.
But mainly, what we don’t do “chatter” about all the above.
What do people who are renowned for their unshakable character and mental clarity and psychological balance avoid?
In accordance with the relevant book of the psychiatrist Amy Morin, entitled “13 things which mentally healthy people don’t do”, this kind of vigor “is built “on a triptych about the control of thoughts, feelings, and behavior.
The certain essay is considered except the “Handbook” for “gurus” of businesses, media and politics, also a worldwide phenomenon about advisory of people with influence on their board.
They don’t waste time on… self-pity.
On the contrary, they feel grateful.
“Feeling pity about yourself is self-destructive. It prevents you from enjoying a full life.
It’s a waste of time, it births only negative feelings and “hurt” every form of relationship.
The secret is to accept the good in the world and somehow like this you begin to appreciate whatever you have.” Morin writes. Commonly, you replace self-pity with gratitude. It looks simple.
They don’t waste their power.
Most people tend to spend their skills when they lose their physical and emotional limits, the writer mentions.
“You have to defend yourself, and when it’s needed set your limits. If others have the control of your actions, this destroys your self-esteem and the possibilities of success of your dreams and plans.
It’s important to write down your goals and to work sincerely for their accomplishment”, Morin underlines, and actually, she mentions as an example the great TV presenter (and businesswoman), Oprah Winfrey.
As she notes, “Oprah grew up having to face absolute poverty and sexual abuse, but she chose to determine herself what she wanted to be in life, protecting her power.”
They aren’t afraid, and they don’t try to avoid changes.
On the contrary, they “hug” and accept everything that looks inevitable. According to Morin every change in our life has 5 stages: the questioning before a big decision making, visioning, preparation.
Its implementation and its preservation at the set point the crucial point are the passing from the one stage to the other, but avoiding changes, prevents us from evolve, getting stronger as personalities.
“The more you postpone something, the harder it gets,” she emphasizes, “mostly because the others will leave you behind.”
They don’t focus on things that they can’t control.
On the contrary, they dedicate themselves to whatever they can accomplish. “it looks so secure to have everything under control, but the illusion that you have the power always to move the strings, can be a real trouble”, she explains.
Usually, trying to control everything is a grave indication of stress.
“Instead of trying to control our stress, we try to control our environment”, she continues.
And it’s obvious that when we move in the range of our practicability, we create a background for happy moments, better relationships, new chances, and successes!
They don’t fight to please everyone.
So simple, it can’t happen. On the contrary, they know when to say “no”. We often judge ourselves, based on what the others think about us, a feature which is unrelated to a high character. “It’s a waste of time to try to satisfy everyone.
People with this feature are vulnerable at manipulating behaviors”, she emphasizes. Also, she mentions the obvious: it’s OK for the others to feel angry or disappointed with you.
It’s also OK for you not to be likable to everyone.
Despite the fact that our “no” are those which give us confidence.
They aren’t afraid to take “safe risks.”
On the contrary, they prepare themselves for everything they’ll have to face. “People often are afraid to take risks: financial, emotional, social, professional.
But these risks are that lead to the knowledge. “The lack of knowledge about how to “balance” a reckless decision, increases the feeling of fear,” Morin writes. And how can you predict the outcome of a risk?
What are the benefits? How will all this help me to achieve my goal? Which are my alternatives? How wonderful will it be, if the best aspect of this risk is made?
What is the worst thing that may happen and how can the consequences be moderated? What meaning will my decision have in 5 years from now?”
They don’t live in the past.
…which is “past”. Commonly, what happened has passed, and there is no way to change. “‘living’ in the past is self-destructive, it prevents you from enjoying the present and making plans for the future.
It doesn’t give solutions, and it may lead even to depression”, she says, but she doesn’t forget to emphasize that the past can be a “privilege” only as a lesson.
Someone who remembers the facts and not the emotions face a situation with a new, wise point of view.
They don’t make the same mistakes again and again.
“They prefer to take responsibility and change their behavior. It’s important to record what went wrong, what you could have done better and how you will do it in a different way next time”, the book reports.
The power of these people is apparent on the rethinking and the record of the mistake, in order not to be repeated in the future.
They don’t repine about other people’s happiness!
They celebrate with them! “This good feeling looks like the oppressed anger which burst at some time.
By being distracted- for the wrong reasons- from the happiness of another person, you close the road to your own, since obsession takes you out of your path.
Even if you succeed in life, you may never feel fullness, since you will always be busy with what the others do.
Also, you may overlook your talents and lose your value code and your relationships.” It isn’t wrong.
They don’t quit by the first failure.
“Success, usually, doesn’t come from the sky and failure is always an obstacle that you have to overcome.
Have as an example Theodor Giesel- known as Dr. Seuss- whose first book was rejected by more than 20 publishers’, the writer insists.
Encountering failure as a shortage is probably a sample of a weak personality.
The secret lies to accept defeat, to “recover” and come back stronger.
They aren’t afraid of the moments of loneliness.
“Finding some time to be alone with your thoughts, can be proved a very intense experience that helps with the goal accomplishment”.
The “edifice” of a strong personality isn’t “built” through frantic encounters of daily life, but through the moments when someone is alone.
“the moments when you are isolated in the office, increase the productivity, and they are the same moments that while you are creative, your empathy is increased at the same time, with,” she writes among others.
They don’t believe that universe owes them…
Getting at everyone and everything about our failures is easy. But the truth is that no one owes to anyone. Everything is obtained.
Morin mentions the known “life isn’t fair”.
The secret is to focus on our efforts, to accept review, to recognize our flaws and not to compare ourselves and our life with the others.
They don’t expect direct results.
The issue is for us to be willing and open to realistic expectations and to understand that success doesn’t happen, like this, during the night. “Weak characters are impatient.
And they usually overrate their abilities and underestimate the thick of the time that a change needs, and the benefits that it offers too.
Therefore they expect results right now.” It’s important, according to the same writer not to lose the aim and to work- for anything- with persistence and with a long-term spirit. ”we control our progress, we look at the forest not at the tree, and the success is for sure’, she ends up.